Chapter 7 – Sins

As Friday night arrived. Shaheen called saying we should join him as he’s going to this “hang out” spot in New Town.

“Please doll face loose the scarf. Where we’re going? People will look at you oddly.” he pleaded. I have been wearing scarf  for eight years. I  never took it off regardless of the situation. Not for even for weddings and mendhi nights.
For the first time in eight years, I would be leaving home without a scarf. I felt so lost, as if a limb of mine was missing. Shaheen was gushing  with compliments,

“Wow, you  look gorgeous,  I would have never knew such beauty is hiding behind that scarf.” he commented.  Aneesa was so happy that I had allowed Layha to dress me up, with make up and the whole nine yards. I wore a skinny black jeans, with a platinum grey off the shoulder top underneath a silver platinum greyish sequins shimmering type cropped jacket with silver cinderella style stiletto shoes.
We arrived to this so called “trendy place” in Joburg. As you step foot into the dimly lit building with nothing but blinking lights and subtle music your eyes struggle to adjust to the new scenery but the rhythm in your chest quivers with expectation. I have never been inside a club before.

“What would you ladies like to drink?” asked Faheem
“Make is a cooler for me, ” answered Aneesa.

“My bro a cola for me, we need to get home some how.” said Shaheen swiftly.

“Uhm” I said while thinking to myself I have never drank alcohol before but I can’t seem like the slow one. My head and heart at war again. My head saying, taste a little it won’t hurt you. My heart screaming please girl you know better.

“I’m fine” I said to Faheem. I still have values and this isn’t how I act.

“Dammit girl, live a little, stop being the ‘dadima’ no one wants around.” said Faheem frustratingly. 

Quickly thinking of all the movies I’ve watched trying to recall a well-known drink. Thoughts of a martini, cocktail and Cooler came to mind. After a while of contemplating I finally said,

“ A bloody Marry.”
Faheem gave a quirky smile and left to get the drinks.
Shaheen came closer whispering in my ear “Have you ever kissed a boy?”

“No ,I haven’t. I will save that for marriage.” I retorted.  He just smiled in his cute way. “This is my song, come on Fati, let’s go and dance,” he swiftly said while rocking back and forth to the constant beat.

“No” I say, meaning it. I have no idea how to dance. I’ve never danced before in my life. Ok girl! I think to myself whilst trying to recall any “moves” from movies I’ve watched and before I knew it I was there, standing like a cactus doing nothing.

“Oh my, the haari poiri ( good girl) doesn’t even dance at home.” he mocked.
Who would’ve thought that Aneesa and Faheem would be so intimate? They were all over each other. I couldn’t help but sit there and feel jealous, of what she had, every girl dreams of a prince charming. Suddenly I saw Aslam walk in. Shaheen and I started to make our way back to the table where Aslam was only to find him alone. I wonder where Layha is? I thought to myself. Aslam had said, that good wives stay at home and bad girls go and party. I drank another drink. We had shots, and loads of it. Without thinking, unaware of what I was doing, I made my way to the dance floor and started dancing with Shaheen but strangely, found myself looking at Aslam.
Later, Aslam and I sat next to each other. He had ditched the girl he was with earlier, and we began dancing having a blast. He took me where no one could see us and held me. His warm embrace feeling so wrong yet exactly like home. As I looked up at him he kissed me, ”

“Farm girl lets get back before any one notices that we were gone.” he said huskily.
As I returned to the table Faheem rushed toward me saying that in order to have real fun I had to try this out.

“Ecstasy, only take half of it!” he yelled over the now blaring music. So that’s exactly what I did.

WHOA I thought to myself. Now watching the rush of the world passing by extra fast and I felt like I was invincible once again. After dancing a little more, we drank and drank , until I felt so sick that the bathroom floor at the back of the club had become my soul mate for the evening.
All I remember from that night was the feeling of death dawning upon me and as for the rest of that night is a blur. Till today I still have no idea how I made it home, up the stairs and into bed. From the hang-over feeling I experienced the next day. I was certain it must have been one wild night.

17 thoughts on “Chapter 7 – Sins

  1. I hate to say this and I swear Im not judging these things happen and they happen to good people but its so sick I cant even go on reading.May Allah protect us from this vice ameen

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So so sad. ,that just to fit iη with the crowd & be people pleasers -we succumb to Shaytaan’s whisperings. That very Shaytaan who is an accursed enemy of our Provider & Nourisher we gladly give ȋ̊η to him. Mў dear brothers & sisters ,let us please choose our friends wisely & check over & over again whether they leading us towards or away ƒrσм the wrath of Allah_ This short lived happiness & illusionary fun is just not worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This . Is just so sad . The state of the Ummah is deteriorating daily . We are all living in cacoons .. hidden away from the true reality . Allah save us , our families and progenies as well as the entire Ummah of Nabi ﷺ from such evil actions . Allah guide those who are involved in such vices …


  4. What a stark contradiction between her upbringing and values with her actual behaviour! It is amazing that she’s able to justify her actions. Mumtaz, you have managed to capture that skewed thinking perfectly – thanks for a brill read 😊


  5. Im in shock!!! All this is new to me!!! I cant believe that if u born and brought up in a muslim and islamic home, where salaah is read and islam is practiced…this can not happen. Allah protect our youth, and give the parents of these youth the realisation of life in the ‘big world’, stop being trusting and leaving their children on their own


    • We always say it will never happen to our kids. We bring them up best we can but at the end it temptations and how they handle it. I heard a bayhaan whereby a Moulana said we must stop saying it will never happen in our homes because social ills are becoming so acceptable in communities that our homes may be next. May Allah guide all of us


  6. I’ve been to a club…….leme tell u from the onset my parents were beyond strict…….anyway d 1st time I set foot in a club I thawt it was so cool. But as the evening progressed n frenz were gettn drunk I was almost in tears. My heart just cried …….. Its such an awful feeling to be in such a place. I’ve never tasted alcohol »the smell is just vile, n I’m so glad that @ dat moment I had sum sense to know right from wrong. I immediately called a close relative told him where I was + got a bucket load o lectures. Learnt a valuable lesson aabout choosing the right company.


    • You had the moral sense in you a lot of youth will give in to peer pressure to seem part of the cool crowd. You make a valid point it the values installed in us that makes the difference


  7. As a woman who is married to the nicest, sweetest man ive known . I sit here today in tears after finding out that he has once again succumbed to the cravings..not just that but this time needed drugs so bad he came extremely close to comitting zina. He is successful, intelligent and has a heart of gold but the drugs are turning him into a monster. And yes,, seeing the alarming numbers of our muslim men in the rehabs, its so scary..boys as young as 12 n 13. I leave him in a few days and Allah knows whats instore 4 us but plz parents wake up. Be more involved and active in ur childrens lives. Get them help if u c them goin down this path and don’t only worry about wat ppl will say or think. I wish i could help this man who has soo much of potential but he is bent on destroying everyone and everything in his path with this addiction. Plz remember us in ur duas


  8. one confession from me only,at the club in my prime I was at a club that was very popular,after enjoying the party till late 2:30 am I stood with my back facing the wall,with the music at deaf level and the strobes and then i noticed how everyone had that one street mentality….all the wrong you ever thought of was only the start,to see what I saw that night sent an inhumane shiver down my spine, That’s whats happening with Fatima.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s