Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Humble Beginning

Chapter 2- Hooked

Chapter 3 – Things fall apart

Chapter 4 – Small steps 

Chapter 5 – Lies

Chapter 6 – Guilt

Chapter 7 – Sins

Chapter 8 – Hangover

Chapter 9 – Caught

Chapter 10 – Betrayal

Chapter 11 – Anger

Chapter 12 – Deception

Chapter 13 – Disappointment

Chapter 14 – Confused 

Chapter 15 – Trapped 

Chapter 16 – Acceptance

Chapter 17 – Rock Bottom

Chapter 18 – Lost 

Chapter 19 – Confrontation

Chapter 20 – Denial

Chapter 21 – Numb

Chapter 22 – Bruised

Chapter 23 – Remorse

Chapter 24 – Lonely 

Chapter 25 – Isolated

Chapter 26 – Agony

Chapter 27- Healing

As hard is it is to believe unfortunately these stories are real stories. Names  and places have been changed. Although some masala was added to thicken the plot, the essence of the story happened to someone.


We live under the false pretense that we will never encounter the haunting presence of addiction.
School teaches kids drug awareness but very little or nothing is taught about how to deal with woman or child abuse or even how to cope with bullying or peer pressure.

As you venture into my life you will learn that the ‘preparation‘ you received just isn’t enough for you to survive in this cruel place we’ve been captured in. We call this place “society”.

No matter your background or social standing, once intoxicated you become sucked in and drained out from every ounce of emotion you have.

Kempvill,a small, unknown, Indian suburb in South Africa, is how and where it all started. From the spiral of my dreams and my hopes to being abused and alone.

As you read my journal you will meet the people who made me realize that our Indian society is in desperate need of change. That aapara wara (our people) need a huge wake up call and have to remove their blinkers and realise we are not immune to social ills as we think we are. 
My name is Fatima and this is my battle with addiction.

Listen to Mumtaz and Ask Nanima Radio Islam interview with sister Ammarah

29 thoughts on “Contents

  1. Mashallah Sister! an amazing read..its shocking what goes on in society and how some parents are so materialistic. it reminds me of that saying…I’d rather be crying in a rolls royce than be laughing on a bicycle. how pathetic!!! our parents are supposed to guide us and want the best for us…Layahs mothers attitude infuriates me. Keep up the amazing work. may Allah take you from strength to strength. Ameen.


  2. Wow!!! Amazing story that can happen to anyone I guess, but one so true of the indian community!!!! Keep up the fantastic story…can’t wait for more!!!


  3. This blog has hit a spot… Not just a fantasy, reality in muslim world world..not to long ago i lost a friend in a similar situation, she shut us all out, got involved with a drug addict, he abused her and got high wit her, it ended only when he left her to die.. Shes left behind a beautiful daughter.. May allah protect our daughters, sons and ummah 😦


  4. This read was a shock to the system. I am 47 years old but my mind never ventured to these possibilities. You have opened a part of my mind that has glimpsed into a reality in such a way because It’s hits close to home


  5. Shukran for sharing this story with other women whether muslim or not. Reality is often more shocking, scary and unbelievable than fiction. This is a reality that many women face and we all know of such horror stories but very rarely share the pain, fear, destruction and heartbreak that such events have caused in the lives of innocent women who just wanted to live the life we are tempted to live, the life that is glamourised by movies, stories and society. May the Almighty be merciful on Fatima and Layha. They are two innocent ladies that have been dragged into a life that no one will wish on a worst enemy. May Allah (swt) help them through this trial and bring them out stronger, braver and bolder than ever before. The words that brings me greatest comfort on a daily basis and that I hope we all can find strength in is that Allah (swt) will not give us a greater burden than we can bear.

    As a young, independent, muslim woman, I can understand the struggle between being who you are and what society expects you to be. Society prefers a pretty picture when you are out of your home and for the ugliness that we face in our homes, in our lives to remain hidden, a secret, a dirty truth that one should not expose to the world or else what will people think of you and your family. What will you do to the reputations that families have in society? I believe that we are an age of women who have the strength and the courage (that has come from our mother’s, grandmothers and teachers) to face the worst pain in this world and to come out triumphant provided we support each other, speak out and surrender our lives, our dreams, our future plans to the Almighty because He is the best of planners.

    Personally, I have had experiences that have made me open my eyes to who I am, who I want to be and what I need to do to be my best self in the eyes of Allah (swt). Turning to Allah (swt), resting my head on that musallah (prayer mat) has been the greatest comfort in my darkest days and yes my pain is in no comparison to the agony Fatima and Layha face but with the Almighty by our side every step that we take, we cannot go wrong and if/when we do, then know that this mistake/error in our ways is an opportunity to learn, grow and be better women, better muslims, better humans.

    Recently, I have been reading a lot about women in Islam, proposals, marriage, relationships and rights of women etc in Islam and I find that even though I attended a muslim school and madressah (Islamic classes), there is immense amounts of knowledge that was not shared or imparted to me. Islam respects women. Islam protects women. Islam honours women. We, as society, we forget to respect, protect and honour women. Education (in every aspect of life i.e. general curriculums, Islamic curriculums, skills etc) of our women is key to building closeness to the Almighty and to preventing such heart breaking incidents from infecting our lives and destroying that relationship with Allah (swt) that we all need. Allah (swt) wants us to turn to him.

    Love and marriage between man and wife is supposed to be beautiful, tender, intimate, considerate, precious and most of all respectful to both parties and the relationship. InshaAllah, when Allah (swt) sends suitable partners to my fellow sisters in Islam and I, I make dua (pray) that each of us will share a beautiful relationship with our spouse , a relationship that will resemble the relationship that Prophet Muhammed (SAW) had with Sayyidah Aisha (R.A). I have never read romantic novels that could ever compete with the love, respect, sharing of knowledge and honour of that relationship. This is the type of relationship, society should encourage the women of today to seek instead of glamourising wealth, family status, material benefits and the outer appearance.

    I hope that, despite my lengthy words, we all learn something from each other (I certainly have, even from Layha’s reactions to the situation and her ability to turn to Allah (swt)) and know that there are sisters out there that care and will pray for your success, safety and guidance towards the Almighty whether we know you in person or not.

    Take care. Be brave, be bold and be who Allah (swt) created you to be. Love yourself first before seeking love elsewhere. This is how we protect ourselves and our self worth.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Omg I’m hooked …I can’t wait for the exit chapter …. I wish more youngsters read this it’s an eye opener … As it is becoming more common in reality in this day and age …


    • forgive for Allah sake. if he does not repent Allah will deal with him swiftly. forgiveness is for your own sanity to let go of this baggage and peace of mind.


  7. Subhanallah
    May AllahSWT reward Fatima n Layha abundantly for having the courage to share their painful life experience.
    I pray Allah SWT grant u both strength n success in your endeavors
    My dear sisters your story wil motivate someone out there to take charge of their situation
    You wil never know the far reaching positive effects of this piece of writing
    May Allah bless you eternally for this


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